Time is abundant

There's this idea among human beings that I used to employ myself.

If only I had more time, I could do ... X Y Z.

More time and I could write my novel. More time and I could edit my short story. More time and I could find that unique job I've always wanted.

I've been waiting around for more time all my life.

Last year, when I finally finished my novel after 10 years, I learned the most valuable lesson in my life. Time is abundant. Even for busy working moms like myself. We can do this. We can make dreams a reality.

Sometimes it means saying no and I've had to do that in some heartbreakingly hard ways this week, too. Sometimes, it means saying yes.

This year, in nothing short of good New Year's Resolution-style, I made a commitment to something, well, someone.

Myself.

I vowed to fit things in that I've just never had the time for in the past. Writing is one. Exercise is another. Downtime is the last.

How though? How can I, in a single day or week, work 40-Plus hours, be a great mother of twin girls, remain as a volunteer in my community and still be a writer and a wife and someone who cares and takes care of her body? How is that humanely possible?

Until two weeks ago, I lived under this immense assumption that it wasn't possible and, lo and behold, it didn't have to be possible. By even considering doing all of these things in a single day, I was crazy. I held my own expectations up in the clouds.

And then I had a wee bit of an epiphany. What if? What if I can do it? What if I can be all of these things in a single week?

I thought it over and journaled about it and experimented with some ideas. And then it occurred to me. I didn't have to do it all each day. I just needed a schedule.

I set out to fit it all in Monday through Friday. I work out/do yoga three mornings at 5 a.m. and I write/edit two mornings. I also add a little writing and editing in at night after the girls are asleep and that's also when I get some much-needed downtime to do nothing. And, my reward for doing all of this during the work week? I get to do whatever I want on Saturdays and Sundays. The result is much less stress. No more wondering when it will happen. No more wondering how it will happen. No more trying to squeeze it in during valuable weekend family time (unless I want to).

I'm not sure why this never came to me before or why I made fitting it all in so complicated.

But now that I'm so regimented, I truly believe that time is abundant. But I have to get up and say yes, yes this is going to happen today. Or it doesn't happen.

2011: A Year of Re-Reading

I covet books like people. Books have been and may always be my trophy lover. I display the best, the brightest, the ones that profoundly and amusingly changed me proudly on bookshelves. I dust them. And rearrange them. And breeze through their pages now and again with awe and admiration.

But I never re-read them.

Ever.

Until now. This year, I have decided is my year. A year to re-read. A year to go back to the basics and seriously consider these books that have led me on a passion for writing novels. I want to study these favorites in a way only I can now: As someone who has written a novel.

We have all said it and heard a million times -- to be a writer, you must first read. A lot. Well, I have read a lot. But that doesn't mean that I'm always retaining some of the reasons why these books are so great.

Let me be clear. I am not reading the BBC lists or the NBC lists or even the Nobel lists.

I am reading my list. These books that I am re-reading have stayed with me since Page One. Some have moved across state lines and into and out of up to a half dozen or more places I've called home. One has been with me since middle school.

These are not just any books. These are 12 books that led me to write my own. These are the ones that inspired me along the years in my own relationships. They are the books that light me up.

I've decided to do this in four parts. Each week, I will write about a different aspect of these books from a writer's standpoint (setting, narration, character arc and plot).

I'm pretty excited to take on this project. And while it's not 365 books or even 52 books -- and while this is not an exhaustive list of books that I have loved or been awed by -- I am sure that I will learn a lot about writing and reading on this journey. I plan to share a lot with my readers as well!

I am not sure why I never re-read books. Perhaps because the idea of knowing the ending makes it hard to keep my interest. That's why this will be a fun project. I'm reading just for the wisdom I can glean as a writer, as a novelist, as someone who hopes to have one of those shiny, beautiful trophies of her own.

PHOTO CREDIT: RACHELLOVESTOLAUGH

A trusty list for parents

I've been off track, again ... lost because of lack of time because being a mom has me spinning in confusion and chaos. I'm lost because of trying to be something I am not. I can't hide any of these roles that I play every single day.

It's hard having a writer's heart ... and being a parent. Shit, it's hard being a parent.

I'm reading a great book right now (more on that in another post) that I bought with a Christmas gift certificate from my amazing husband. I needed something real. I needed something honest. I needed something inspirational that only a really good book can provide.

Amazingly, I found just the right book in a short trip into the store. Thus, writing here again.

After just one little chapter of reading the new book, I was in the kitchen, making quiche and listening to Emmy Lou Harris, when I had a parenting epiphany to write a soothing message for myself. And when I was finished, I wondered if I should share it with others.

For those with amazing kids. For those with kids who are not so amazing now and then. For those who write with kids. For those who care for kids. For those who are the most patient -- and the not so patient. For those who now and then want to lose their shizz because their kids are, well, testing them in various ways like kicking and smacking their siblings.

And, this little list of mine was also inspired by this other little list of trust by Momma Zen who became a good friend years ago around the time she wrote her list. I write my list for all the parents traveling this road behind me and in honor of all those who have gone before me. Only we, the parents, know what is best. And yet we know nothing at all. We just have to learn to trust.

A Trusty list for Parents

Trust that they know when they are not hungry.
Trust when they are.
Trust that they will eat just fine some day.
Trust that they might not.
Trust that they will sleep when tired.
Trust that they will rise when they are done sleeping.
Trust when they have had a bad dream.
Trust when the blankets aren’t just so.
Trust that they truly cannot go back to sleep.
Trust that they’ve had enough.
Trust when they haven’t.
Trust when their harsh words mean something more.
Trust when their harsh words are just words.
Trust that they love when they hate.
Trust that they hate when they love.
Trust the process for making up.
Trust that they will make up.
Trust that they can work it out on their own.
Trust them.
Trust their hearts.
Trust their heads.
Trust their nice hands.
Trust their mean words.
Trust their friendship.
Trust their bonds to you.
Trust that they do get it.
Trust that they understand.
Trust that they do not understand.
Trust that this too shall pass.
Trust that this too shall escalate to something else.
Trust that there will always be another phase.
Trust when they say no.
Trust when they say uh-uh.
Trust when they giggle.
Trust when they say they can do it.
Trust when they say they need help.
Trust when yes means no.
Trust when no means yes.
Trust when they say they love you.
Trust when they say they hate you.
Trust when they say nothing at all.
Trust when their faces say everything.
Trust when their faces say nothing.
Trust when times get tough.
Trust that times will get tough.
Trust when times turn wonderful.
Trust that they will be wonderful.
Trust that love is enough.
Trust that love isn’t enough.
Trust your heart.
Trust your Yeses.

Trust your Nos.

Trust yourself.

Trust your kids.

Trust that there will be another day to get it right.

Photo credit: Valeria

December 1st means only one thing

Advent.

Not just any advent calendar. An activity advent. This means that we don't just throw (more) candy into a box and count the day. No, we spend quality time together, usually laughing and doing awe-inspiring things, like wrapping each other up in green crepe paper and pretending we're Christmas trees. This year, we're adding a race to see who can wrap each other up fastest with toilet paper, black buttons and scarves to become snowladies and one snowman.

This year, the list is the best ever because I've done this for the third year and now know the best ones to do.

Granted, I realize that I am ridiculous about this and go way overboard but I look at it as a way to fill the entire month of December with spirit and joy and love. Also, I do two activites a day so that each girl (twins!) gets to pull a card out of the stocking. To see previous years, go here and here.

Here are some of the things we're doing:


1.Make list -- sing carols
2.Look for color red -- dance party
3.A joke -- city light up night
4. Decorate the doors -- visit santa
5. Movie night -- make cookies
6. Paint nails red and green -- make gift tags
7. Play with cookie cutters -- mail cards
8. Hang candy canes -- snowscapes with shaving cream
9. Find the color green -- camp under the tree
10. Drink hot chocolate -- read around the tree
11.Count the red lights -- christmas magic
12.Family tree activity -- make cards for teachers
13. Make homemade gifts -- be an elf for the night
14.Santa's helper/wrap a gift game -- create gift kits
15. Make choc. covered pretzels -- make seating cards
16. Pin the nose on rudolph game --write a Christmas story
17. Make ornaments/wrap gifts -- red and green snack
18. Snowman Race -- Light a candle in memory of dog Prince
19. Put on a christmas play -- eat dessert first
20. Create a winter alter -- jingle bell dance around the tree
21. Winter Solstice celebration -- star gaze
22. wear red and green -- eat breakfast for dinner
22.Jingle bells dance -- make sugar cone trees
23. Hand out gifts to teachers -- star watch
24. set out cookies and milk -- sprinkle magic reindeer food outside

The Creative Soul Rebirth

My creative soul is in the middle of a rebirth, a coming-of-age that's long overdue, again. This happens every year this time, I realized recently.

My love for the crisp fall air is deep but I have been having haunting memories of how this time of the year deeply hurts, too. My relationships are almost always strained and I am not communicating wisely to stay on top of that trend. I feel hurt that people don't see me or get me.

Writing is such a powerful tool to be heard but it cannot help you be seen. Jen Lemen wrote some seriously awesome words about this and, like many of her posts, I can't stop thinking about the amazing vulnerability of being seen.

I've always worried about not being heard. I've always worried about not being taken seriously.

But it all comes back to not being seen. Really seen.

Authenticity has to be a combination of all of these things and truly not giving a shit about any of them. But I do still ... which is a wake-up call for me to wake up and start writing more and worrying less.

But this is a lesson I learn over and over in life. It comes and goes like the tide, washing the memories away inch by inch.

Life is not perfect yet and therefore we must keep drudging through the thick sands, creating our own legacies.

Special Guest Post: Magpie Girl

It can be really hard to navigate friendships as a creative person. So many people walk through life just going through the motions, hardly noticing the flits and flutters of their own dreams. Sometimes I feel people look at me strangely when they understand that I have dreams beyond raising my daughters and working.

A year or so ago, I discovered Magpie Girl -- Rachelle Mee-Chapman -- who has helped me find my creative identity through various exercises.

But, it was early on when I read her e-book "SoulRetreats: How to host a tribe with art and soul" and was instantly inspired to to find my own tribe of like-minded, creative people. That has turned into a small but beautiful book club. I hope to someday turn the idea into a retreat, as her book suggests.

This is not the first online friendship to lead me to amazing creative exploration. I've had many online friends over the last three years.

Rachelle is doing 30 Stories in 30 days in honor of her birthday this month. She's here visiting today, on my blog, to answer this question I asked her about In Real Life vs. Online friendships:

Q: How do you balance between IRL and online friendships? Are they the same or different for you?

Because of my deep dependence on online friendships during my 3 years abroad, I tend to think of IRL and online friendships as being very similar. For a long time there was great debate in the blogosphere about community and friendsh

ip online. Was there really a “there” there? My answer, unequivocally, is “Yes.”

We cannot always have our soultribe at nearby IRL (in real life). We might live in a community that doesn’t “get” us. We might live in a country where we don’t speak the language. We might travel a lot. We might be ill and unable to make the dinner party rounds. Thankfully, online community can help bridge the gap. With the advent of blogging, social networking sites like Facebook, and specific-topic communities managed by programs like Ning, there are lots of options for online connection.

When I moved abroad to Denmark the online community was a HUGE source of support, resource and camaraderie. Without the “there” that was there, I would have been completely isolated. As I left my IRL life friends on the other side of a 9hour time difference, the internet friends became my comfort and my colleagues. As my online friend Melanie Martin puts it, Twitter is “my tearoom” – a place to take a break from writing and have a chat over a cuppa. Facebook, IM chats, and Skype video talks kept me connected on work projects, and people I knew only over the internet like Leonie Allen and Susannah Conway became my coaches and colleagues. And over the years, both before and since Copenhagen, blog crushes and online pals have become friends, work partners and soulsisters IRL as well. Jen Lemen, Jennifer McGuiggian, Jolie Guillebeau, Becky Knight, Bethany Basset, J.Renee Pekol, and Jessica Schafer are all online acquaintances who have I have personally hugged. (Bethany and I even had our first IRL TweetUp on an overnight girl’s weekend to Rome!)

On the other hand, there’s something special that happens when you can meet someone face to face. I was recently able to meet up with photographer Darrah Parker, someone I previously knew only on line. In 90 minutes over coffee we were able to brainstorm and problem-solve more work related stuff than we could have in dozens of Tweets. And by meeting each IRL we got a more nuanced understanding of each other’s work and way of communicating.

Now that I’m back on home turf in Seattle, I have less time to run the social networking gauntlet online. But I still try to stay connected with online and IRL friends based on the same general rule of thumb. IRL I would spend time with people who

• Make an effort to keep in touch.
• Have interests that are similar to mine or which intrigue me.
• Who make me laugh; and who can have a meaningful conversation.

The same is true with my online connections.

I do have one warning sign that I am spending too much time online in general – when I started doing that vague clicking around thing, triple checking for new email/Facebook updates/tweets, and generally trying to find the miracle answer to what’s bugging me online. Do you know what I mean? When I start thinking the answer to life could be found if I could just find the right thing to click on, it’s time to log off!

What about you? How do you related to

your online and IRL connections? What are your warning signs for you that you are going off-balance with how you spend your time between the two? Is there a real “there” there for you in online communities? We’d love to hear your thoughts because “there ain’t know where to go but together.”

Rachelle Mee-Chapman, specializes in customized soulcare for spiritual misfits. She works with clients at Magpie Girl to help them find a spirituality that fits; and hosts Flock, an online soulcare community. You can learn more about her creative approach in her free ecourse, Magpie Speak: a new vocabulary for soulcare.

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How to be a writer

We've been starting our weekends lately playing outside, often at a local park, sometimes with a picnic dinner. Even as the weather gets colder -- especially as it gets colder -- we find being out there, as a family, is a booster to our time together.

Tonight, at the start of October, the reality of what we're facing set in. The sun set at just 7:15 p.m. Darkness took over and many families like ours, shuffled quickly into cars and headed home.

Summer is gone. Long gone now. Soon, those of us with cold, snowy winters will be hibernating in the midst of winter's grips, wishing for the warm weather but relishing the holidays and building snow creatures.

And yet tonight was so peaceful, so full of hope. The pink sky illuminated every tree branch, every blade of grass, every building and I found myself peering into windows of homes lived in by people we do not know.

There are so many people we will never meet. I wondered, briefly, who I am yet to meet.

I had this same thought tonight about writers and books. There are so many writers whose words I will never read. Writers who shed tears, probably, over the fact that they didn't have enough time, enough skill, enough ideas to be a writer. And yet they did it. They had the willpower, the gumption to write their own story to become an author and sell books.

Is it that simple? Just forging forward with nothing but finishing in mind? I hope so.

My fearless writing class starts next week! Time to start prepping and planning for how it will flow -- and, how, I will be turning it into an online adventure. Super exciting.

Please stay tuned for a great guest post on Sunday.

Photo credit: Big thanks to JKonig