Tuesday, June 8, 2010

Gremlins creeping in ...

"Perhaps everything terrible is, in its deepest being, something that needs our love." --Rainer Maria Rilke (1875-1926)

I just walked briskly for a half hour trying to tame what I learned yesterday I can call Monkey Mind. I have lots of these little gremlins creeping in and cluttering my brain, impacting my ability to write this week.

Thanks to Magpie Girl for those helpful definitions of things I've always just labeled as feeling unable or not good enough or terrible writer. My demons are coming to me in a place they've always come to me since I moved to this town. My issues are local issues. My drama is with other people, not myself. If I cannot influence them, I do not feel good enough. If I'm not good enough, I start to self-doubt. It's a vicious cycle.

Left to my own being, sitting at my desk writing with no real people around other than the wonderful online community that I've grown to love and know so well, I would soar. That is not possible since I work full-time and have several volunteer jobs that impact my everyday. Actually, it's the volunteer work that is bothering me most.

Perhaps by writing this post and seeing that quote above just this morning, I'm realizing (deciding?) that what I need is to drop back entirely on these things that should make me feel good but are not. That I need to continue to surround myself with people who support me and help me Soar. I can let go of these demons and I will ... I've done it before. But I might have to Act first. I have to get back to basics and stick with those who I can trust with my thoughts and emotions. Only then will I be able to write on ...

For now, I'm standing by this mantra: It is NOT my problem. It is NOT my problem.

Photo Credit: alicepopkorn


  1. Shawn,

    There is so much clarity in this post. My inner coach is jumping up and down hoping you will indeed, drop back to the basics so you can truly thrive.

    The volunteer thing is hard to lay down. Especially for Mama's. It feels so selfish to NOT say yes. But I know that you know that as Dyana Valentine says "Just beacause you CAN do it, doesn't mean you have any business doing it."

    Listen to your Muse, Shawn. She's telling you where you need to lay your hand right now. And it sounds like it's right here, over your very own heart. Over the fire in your very own belly.

    I'll be here, cheering you on.

    Lots of Warmth,


  2. What she said. SO glad you are writing. More to come, all around.

  3. Simply can not top that first comment.
    Saying no to the things that drain us is so hard!

  4. Thanks for sharing this. It's nice to know that other people struggle with their own gremlins. That I'm not alone with my fears. And because of this it's comforting to know that well, we are not alone, that there are people around to help lift you up.

    The quote is wonderful, very inspiring.