We went for an ordinary walk tonight to a place we've only gone once before as a family.
I was even a little mad about going because I didn't feel like going in a car. Yet it's a short ride from our house, a place that is in between right now. It used to be a golf course; it's gonna be a hospital. For now, people who get it walk there in its hills of amazing beauty graced with overgrown everything and gorgeous, strong trees.
We went because we pass it every day and never go. We went because we had nothing better to do on an otherwise perfect evening. We had already swam, already eaten dinner, already sat around.
We were at the top of the very large first hill chasing the one leading and turned around, as we always have to do for the one trailing, when we spotted a hot air balloon in blues and reds and yellows rising to the clouds. Slowly, we watched it rise, rise, rise above the trees.
And then an amazing thing happened: Another one lifted up and floated. And another. And another. And yet another. We saw about a dozen floating in the sky. The girls were amazed no less than we were.
"This is magic, babies," I told them.
I've been to a few balloon lift offs and they've always failed because of the even the slightest chance of too much wind. I've seen one, maybe two in the sky while driving before.
We were amazed but had to take a pee break in the weeds because it was too amazing to miss by running back to the car and running home.
And while I was trying to hold two four-year-old girls over weeds to pee, something magical and amazing happened.
The balloons started to land in the field at the bottom of the hill on which we stood. First one. Then another. And then many more.
I fought tears as they surrounded us with their mass volume and colors. I closed my eyes and meditated for a minute on their guttural sound of air blowing into a balloon. Their breath took mine away.
We took as many pictures as we could with the one phone we had and we just absorbed the once-in-a-lifetime moment of pure serendipity -- a true fortunate accident.
We'll walk there again but somehow I'm sure it won't ever quite be the same.
I know I won't.
Tuesday, June 8, 2010
"Perhaps everything terrible is, in its deepest being, something that needs our love." --Rainer Maria Rilke (1875-1926)
I just walked briskly for a half hour trying to tame what I learned yesterday I can call Monkey Mind. I have lots of these little gremlins creeping in and cluttering my brain, impacting my ability to write this week.
Thanks to Magpie Girl for those helpful definitions of things I've always just labeled as feeling unable or not good enough or terrible writer. My demons are coming to me in a place they've always come to me since I moved to this town. My issues are local issues. My drama is with other people, not myself. If I cannot influence them, I do not feel good enough. If I'm not good enough, I start to self-doubt. It's a vicious cycle.
Left to my own being, sitting at my desk writing with no real people around other than the wonderful online community that I've grown to love and know so well, I would soar. That is not possible since I work full-time and have several volunteer jobs that impact my everyday. Actually, it's the volunteer work that is bothering me most.
Perhaps by writing this post and seeing that quote above just this morning, I'm realizing (deciding?) that what I need is to drop back entirely on these things that should make me feel good but are not. That I need to continue to surround myself with people who support me and help me Soar. I can let go of these demons and I will ... I've done it before. But I might have to Act first. I have to get back to basics and stick with those who I can trust with my thoughts and emotions. Only then will I be able to write on ...
For now, I'm standing by this mantra: It is NOT my problem. It is NOT my problem.
Photo Credit: alicepopkorn
Saturday, June 5, 2010
I've been following a blogging world full of creative spirits for a couple years now but it's been the last two years that I've really turned to this. And while I started out as a mommy blogger, unintentionally, I've long outgrown writing about my children. I thought long and hard about writing about all the artsy stuff I do with them but I knew I wouldn't keep up with that to maintain a following. You can read all my mommy blogging stuff RIGHT HERE. I will still blog there occasionally.
But I've always written about trying to be creative while being a mother and so being a Creativity Junkie just sort of fits my life. I recently wrote a guest blog post for Magpie Girl and I can't wait to share that with all of you who still read here.
For now, how about I get a little started with this Creativity thing and let you know what's filling me up.
1. Writing. I recently learned a bunch of things were holding me back from writing and one of them was doing too much work writing. Funny how that works. But by letting the words flow, I have been more successful at writing. No more freelancing unless it feels right. No more blogging unless it feels right. I'm just creating now and that totally fills me up.
2. Sunshine. We have a lovely pool at our new house and wow it has transformed our lives taking me back to what it felt like to be a kid again just sunning and swimming all day. We actually stayed home for a whole day yesterday. The sun fills me up so much.
3. Music. I'm experimenting with new tunes on Pandora. I've discovered that I love Indian music. It's crazy but wow it makes me so happy. I also have known that I love Indian food and one of my MONDO BEYONDO dreams is to learn to cook it and then have a dinner party. I've also been experimenting with what music does to my writing.
4. Dreaming. I just love to sit around with a notebook and pen and dream about life. I'm taking Mondo Beyondo and a couple other classes right now that are filling me up with dreams and actions to take those dreams on a journey.
5. My girls. When they are swimming or running in the sunshine and being true little kids, it's the best gift in the world. I see so much of ourselves in them and that is crazy filling.
6. The simple life. Homemade ice cream. Lemonade. Grilling outside. Picking strawberries. Spending time in nature -- deep wood nature. Watching the birds and listening to them.
7. Meditation. Yes. When all else fails, it's all I can do to fill back up.
8. Creative friends. I have a few and am working to build a tribe locally. I have a book club debuting at my house this coming week. I'm excited to release this dream into the world. I also started an art group for the girls to get them building these creative friendships sooner.
To read more *8 Things lists, go here.